Content Warning: This post contains explicit sexual content intended for adults (18+), including graphic descritions of nudity and sexual activity.

Practicing Vulnerability

Phase I: Clothed

Another trial run as I beta-test the interview structure. This clothed-to-naked interview was with a guy we’ll call Luke.

He has an inviting and approachable presence, one that made what we were about to do way less intimidating .

Luke works in data processing for the government, whatever that means. His day job consists of routine tasks and a predictable schedule, which is starting to wear on the almost 30-year old who wants more of a professional challenge. He lit up talking about his future prospects in the private sector doing something more strategic and lucrative $$$.

When I asked about what his timeline to exploring these potential career paths was, he softens and we awkwardly shifted gears to his personal life upon request.

Phase II: Underwear

Taking quick step back, the very first message I received from Luke caveated that he was “interested in the interview, but is plus-sized, though.”

Though. Though. Though. He had to caveat his body stats for a CMNM blog!

Upon reaching 400+ lb. a while back, the threat of long term health implications encouraged him to focus fully on bettering his health. We acknowledged what a commitment that was: meal-planning, budgeting, exercising. All feels like a second full time job.

So as Luke stood up an undressed, the results spoke for themselves. Down 110 lb. and well on his way to being comfortable taking his shirt off at the pool.

Another way for him to get comfortable was to do this interview. A new way for Luke to get used to being naked in front of someone else. He’s not only committed to the physical component of getting healthy, but the mental aspect too. Part of this chapter, he explains, is learning to exist in his body more comfortably. Practicing being seen. Practicing that vulnerability.

Luke is also a gay man. He waited to come out until after college. The process for him, like his health journey, was steady and intentional. He didn’t feel the need to broadcast his sexuality, but rather, practice openness and exploration with people closer to him.

He goes on dates using apps like Hinge, Tinder, and the infamous Grindr (which he is currently taking a break from) due to the “unsportsmanlike conduct” from other guys who dislike his being overweight.

Phase III: Bare-Ass Naked

Luke stands up and strips off the rest of his clothing. This is the part of the interview where some guys get turned on, but Luke stayed soft and calm and I could sense the nervousness in his voice now.

Much like his dating life, Luke’s intimate life is on pause while he focuses on himself. The last foray into the world of dating and hookups was a successful first dinner date that ended with an “electric” kiss. So much electricity, that after the date drove away.. Luke sat in his car and had some “me time!”

Most of what Luke is into, outside of that personal connection, is yet to be determined. He doesn’t explore much in the online space, kink or fetish world, or with his own body. There is, yet again, another sense of “when I’m ready, I will” in his responses when asked about new sexual experiences he wants to have.

Normally, I might not believe someone when they say they’ll get there. But with Luke, I believe the conviction of his answers, that he is locked in on his health and will go full force into the other aspects of a healthy, happy life (professionally, personally, sexually) when he feels he’s ready.

The Takeaway: Growth Requires Being Seen

For an early interview, another trial run of this entire concept, Luke was everything I needed him to be. Kind, patient, open and warm.

The takeaway: embrace the vulnerability with intention. Thanks Luke!